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Post by Lili Walser on Mar 20, 2012 16:21:51 GMT -5
Lili shook her head. "B-but... Arthur... that's just it... I... I don't know what I want anymore." She looked down at her tea, growing cold in front of her. "I... I just don't know. I... want to help people, but I don't know how to do it... I w-want to stop feeling out of place at home... I w-want everyone to stop fighting and just talk to one another... b-but it's certainly not likely that that will happen, at the least." She sighed, then looked back up at him through her lashes. "A-and as much as I... A-as much as I want that this had never happened... I... I w-want to l-learn from my mistake... a-and learn from my experience and my acquaintance with Jean... I-I mean Alfred."
Her maid was stunned. Lili wanted to learn from the terrorist that had kidnapped her and held her for that time? What was she saying? This was... she was... it was madness! Gods, she'd have to tell Herr Beilschmidt now...
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Post by Cpt. Arthur Kirkland on Mar 26, 2012 11:08:32 GMT -5
Arthur looks at her for a moment, almost unblinkingly, and nods.
"It's okay to feel that way. Heck, I still don't know what to think of most things. That's because things change."
He squeezes her hand, lightly.
"What I'd advise is... is to talk about it. You know the truth now, there's no need to be ashamed about it. I'd go to Gilbert and ask him to explain to you exactly what he does, get it from his side. Tell him to be honest with you. Alfred may have told you one thing, but it can be another. I don't want to damage your hopes again, but Alfred can be wrong on a few things."
He smiles.
"Then go with the flow. Find out what you think of this mad, crazy world. Don't let yourself be conformed to any one opinion."
He glances at Sarah, briefly.
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Post by Lili Walser on Mar 30, 2012 14:58:10 GMT -5
Lili listened, though she tucked her chin at his suggestion. "But... But J-Alfred sounded so certain..." Certain enough that she was concerned about asking Gilbert. What if Alfred had been telling the entire truth? What if Gilbert really had done all of those things...? She... She didn't want her cousin to be ashamed of himself, of what he did, of the fact that she knew... but she needed to know. She just didn't know how to ask him. And she was worried that perhaps Gilbert would be angry with her for listening to Alfred.
"How do I..." She started, then paused, shaking her head. "I... I couldn't ask Gilbert... I... I don't know how to even begin..."
Sarah had seen the glance given her by the pirate. She didn't know that she appreciated any of this... except that it finally gave her some small insights as to why her charge had been so withdrawn these weeks. With all of these thoughts, it was no wonder that Lili seemed much removed from the world - and indeed, seemed almost terrified of it anymore.
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Post by Cpt. Arthur Kirkland on Mar 30, 2012 15:46:09 GMT -5
"From the beginning?" he suggests, with a small smile. "Just explain to him. I'm sure he's really anxious about what's happened to you, and it'd probably be respectful to tell him. It'll be a step into knowing who you are. Don't let what people tell you frighten you and make you weak. Take the information and find what you want to know about it, find out the truth, even if it isn't something that you'll like. Sometimes you have to take that risk."
He tips up his cup, and finishes his tea.
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Post by Lili Walser on Apr 3, 2012 17:31:09 GMT -5
Lili nodded, though she was still unsure. "But... but Arthur, what if Gilbert doesn't want me to know...? What if he is upset with me for asking?" She looked down, consternation clear across her face. "I... I c-couldn't bear it if he were upset with me, i-if he were angry at me... I... I w-wouldn't have ever gone seeking the answers - I... goodness, I w-wouldn't have even known that there were more to it than what he's told me before. I suppose that's... I suppose it's saying something, though, that I wouldn't've. Perhaps Alfred was... right... to tell me the things he did. A-at least n-now I know there's more to everything than what I knew before." She sighed softly, and shook her head, eyes centered on her teacup, still mostly full.
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Post by Cpt. Arthur Kirkland on Apr 6, 2012 13:56:20 GMT -5
Arthur leans forward again, taking her hand gently.
"Just because he kidnapped you and intentionally did something horribly, does not necessarily mean that what he said was not true. There are many bad things out there that you have not been made aware of yet, and I personally think you should learn more. But don't be afraid, Lilli. Don't be afraid of reacting and having your own opinions of what has happened."
He nods.
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Post by Lili Walser on Apr 6, 2012 16:39:14 GMT -5
"H-how can I not be afraid...?" She whispered, looking up at him. "Everything... e-everything is different than it was... I... I c-can't go anywhere or do anything without thinking 'what if,' Arthur... I'm frightened to leave the house, but I'm more frightened to stay. I d-don't want to live my life afraid to do anything and everything..." That was why she'd ultimately let Sarah talk her into this outing to the tearoom. But she'd been terrified that something might go wrong.
The fact that she'd run into Arthur here, and not anyone else, was enough to set her slightly more at ease - Arthur wouldn't coddle her, like Gilbert or Uncle Toni or Francis might... the three of them had known her for too long. And he wouldn't look down upon her or mark her as a martyr or a hero, as some of her noble acquaintances might. Neither reaction was one she wanted. She wanted the truth, as fragile and fleeting as it might be.
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Post by Cpt. Arthur Kirkland on Jul 8, 2012 15:23:13 GMT -5
Without really thinking about it, Arthur leant forward and placed his hand over Lilli's his eyes burrowed with concerned. He contemplates what he is going to say for a moment, sighing.
"I'm not going to lie. The world is a scary place." He looks at her. "But that doesn't mean you have to be afraid. Being brave and courageous and all those things you're bursting out to be and become don't mean that you never have bad feelings, like fear or doubt. Everyone does. Heck -- don't tell anyone this -- but Gilbert was terrified when he found out you'd been kidnapped -- but don't feel guilty for it. It just shows he cares and he wouldn't have done any less. But..."
He smiles.
"Being brave just means that you're willing to face all your fears and doubts, not that you don't have any. The only way you're going to do this is to be brave and go out and face what's scaring you. Anyway, I'll tell you a secret."
He leans in.
"Not everything is as scary as people make it out. It's all how you take it."
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Post by Lili Walser on Jul 11, 2012 11:09:42 GMT -5
Lili nodded slowly. Arthur made sense... he truly did... and for that, the blonde girl was thankful. It didn't matter that, perhaps, Sarah was not altogether too happy with him for telling her these things - or with Lili herself for opening up to the pirate where she hadn't opened to anyone else. Not even Gilbert or Uncle Toni had gotten this much out of her. She just put on her social mask and pretended... and she was good at pretending.
Hearing that Gilbert had been terrified at the knowledge she'd been taken only confirmed something she'd known for herself - and though Arthur told her not to feel guilty, she couldn't help it. If only she hadn't gone... if only she'd obeyed him and stayed home... then perhaps things would have been different. He had requested her to stay... and yet, she'd disobeyed him. She'd been so naive... it was only a party... nothing terrible could happen at parties... especially one of Francis' parties... where she could easily find Uncle Toni if she'd had to.
But none of that mattered now. "Not everything is as scary as people make it out. It's all how you take it." He was saying. Immediately, this caught the girl's attention. "H-How do you mean, Arthur...?" She... she thought perhaps she might have an idea, but she wanted a fuller explanation before she believed herself.
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Post by Cpt. Arthur Kirkland on Jul 11, 2012 11:49:48 GMT -5
Arthur smiles.
"What I mean is that some people need to find their own opinions on things. Some people will say that you need to avoid others; what I say is that you go out and find out for yourself what you want to believe. I mean," He lowers his voice to a whisper. "I'm a Pirate Captain, and many people want me dead. Yet I helped rescue you and I've fallen in love with a Noble. Do people think of me the same when I'm not in my normal clothes? Clearly not, because no one's batting an eyelid."
He returns his voice to normal, smiling.
"You'll find a lot of what people are afraid of is just that they're afraid of the unknown. Of course it pays off to be prepared and be careful, but who's to say who you are and what you should do?"
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